The reason I am chronically depressed is that I have known for a long time that with humans, the worst wins. Always.
We all know it and experience it.
Even when we win, we know that we are the worst.
The victor is not the strongest. Strength has many different forms. It is only the WORST.
The fact that the majority of people, other animals and plants are disappearing doesn't make me particularly angry or sad. What gives me RAGE. What makes me want to be ULTRA VIOLENT is that this is the worst that will be left after this disappearance. Just some disgusting giant cockroaches, mosquitoes and some of those weird livid slimy things under the sea. Just a thousand Elon Musks, all white, all male, with a couple of submissive mean bitches.
All beauty is destroyed. Some have known it since they were born. But we all know it for sure since we are teenagers, with consciousness, history courses and so on.
Humans are winning over animals, adults over children, men over women.
Wonderful languages are disappearing all the time (I saw an interview with Werner Herzog about this), won by English or some other stupid language like French, or simply because the native speakers are murdered.
Monotheism wins over plurality. It has destroyed FOR EVER so many different ways of being, so many different ways of relating to what surrounds us, to others. All these kinds of relationships and behaviors are FOR EVER not experienced, for ever unreal. And all this just to implement as relation to the other : consumption and politeness when otherness he is close. Pure hatred when he is more than an arm's length away.

And just to know that mankind has existed for so long that so many of the worst have already won! We are already in such a shity version of the world.

I want to kill Netanyahu, just to see if the worst doesn't always win. But “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” taught me that it would show, through me, that the worst DOES win. And Harry Potter is a fucking capitalist product. And capitalism is the worst. So it wins on my wish.

My aunt took a long time to die, she had both a lot of love and bitterness in herself. To me it seems that bitterness took most of the space in her last years. When she was sick, I imagined, somehow, somewhere, that during her agony, something would happen. But nothing happened, nothing came to soften her. Love didn't come back softly, like a warm hand on her gaunt cheek. She died with disgust on her face.

I feel it in me. I sink into depression. I am sliding. The worst in me is slowly winning over my huge, huge, huge… beauty.